I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
