Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize