i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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