Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
