yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
