So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
