My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Randomize
