You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I want her autograph on my taint
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
