Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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