I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
