I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
