He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
