Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
