Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
