Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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