Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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