I faked an abortion last night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
