I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
