dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
