i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
