Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
