drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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