Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
