Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
