I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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