so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
