I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
