that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
