So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
