It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
