i think my tv is drunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
