Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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