You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
