The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
