i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
