I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
