Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
