Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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