Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
