Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
