She is in my trunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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