I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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