just come out here and I will go home with you...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
