Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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