I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
