try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i have two assholes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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