You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
