So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Vodka?
Forever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
