problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize