Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
