Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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