Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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