I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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