Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
