she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
