I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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