u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I died a long time ago.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
