While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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