She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
