Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize