new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
