i was born a porn star she said
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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