Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
