I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
