When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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