so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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