Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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