Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
