my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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