I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
